The Jedi analogy

For jiu jitsu still holds strong.

But I think training at a new club has made me realise that it can be extended.

:warning: extremely geeky (and long) post on many levels

In my 'old' club I was one of the top level guys. This was helped by some of the best and brightest leaving for greener (or blackbelteder?) pastures, but I also managed to climb there through attrition, by being one of the ones who stuck it out. By researching, training regularly, sure... but for the most part, just by having done this jiu jitsu thing for longer than most in the club.

The downside of this status was I could eat rubbish food, not work uber hard, and still stay on top of things. My technical ability and knowledge was enough to keep me ahead of most of the other guys. This was also helped by the club being hobbiest in orientation - the average member was in their thirties, looking to get a bit fitter, and not an all out competitor. We would have extremely high level guys pass through our academy from time to time doing seminars or similar, and I'd sometimes train in academies with guys much better than me, but for the most part I was a Jedi in the club.

But I was a Luke Skywalker type of Jedi (with a bigger gut).

Except for my initial foundational training, I was mostly self taught. I'd pick up new techniques and ideas from seminars (like visiting Yoda in the Dagobah system), but the adjustments I'd make were not amongst other Jedi, they'd be amongst those that had been training for 6 months, 2 years, 3 years. The guys who really pushed me, or had been training longer than me, would often be giving up some size on me, so I had a number of real advantages. Luke was the only Jedi in a world full of normal people. He could do crazy stuff that had people in awe of him, but this awe relied on the limitations of the majority, rather than the utter exceptional nature of Luke's ability amongst his peers. Luke's only real challenge was Vader (I don't really count the Emperor - he was Vader's problem), who was an old man with severe asthma, who wasn't exactly the most dynamic on his feet. Luke also beat Vader by turning him from enemy to ally - a good strategy, but one that didn't rely on winning via skill.

I lost all that by moving to the UK. Training here is like being in the Golden Age of the Jedi, being in the Jedi academy, like a kid growing up amongst a whole heap of talent, all climbing over each other to stand out. It's a place where there are a number of normal people, but there are also Jedis everywhere. I do not stand out, my powers aren't that impressive really, and my once highly respected purple belt is a highly regarded, but also middling rank. I have to use a lot more effort to do things, I have to think more, work more, be even more efficient with my movement, use my powers to their fullest extent, but do so knowing that won't always be enough. I have become fitter, stronger, faster and a lot better, simply by training in a different context.

I've gradually climbed into being a different kind of purple belt. I feel like the Gareth of 2014 would smash the utter crap out of Gareth of 2012, despite being much lighter. Although this would be a likelihood even without the move, the level to which 2014 Gareth would smash 2012 Gareth is something I can't even clearly articulate. It would be just like most Golden Age Jedis would wipe the floor with Luke - Luke would be dead in moments. I really don't know what this means for an eventual return to NZ. I don't know whether I can help raise the level of jiu jitsu at my old club, or whether there are 'pockets of the Golden Age' I need to find elsewhere.

I also don't know how to return to a club wearing the same belt I was wearing two years ago. Where people have gained a stripe or more in less than half the time I have. Where I've seen people that I smashed two years ago with ease in NZ leap frog me to brown belt. Where my perspective on brown belt has been changed by rolling with a number of different guys that wear them. Where my perspective on purple belt has been changed by a number of guys that wear them here.

8 months to go... (???)

Boom! Just like that, we've gotten to the point that phrases like 'last stretch' start to sound viable.

We have no real idea what's going to happen past September this year (which is when my contract and visa term ends), which is kinda freaky, but it gives us time to figure things out a bit more. Including whether our current "this isn't too bad actually" state of mind might continue.

At this point in the Taiwan experience I had reached very low levels of awesomeness optimisation, but thought I had enough reserves to get through another year. Really not a good way to think about things, and good that we're not in that place now. I think this version of working overseas is much closer to least non-awesomeness, something I might not have been able to say 6 months ago, but am extremely confident in writing now.

I think having friends visit (thanks J,J, G & W and M!) helped enormously, which seems really counter-intuitive, and I'm still figuring out how that might work! Travel is generally awesome, N's family being here is (mostly) great, a really good BJJ club (for me!) actually has me pretty worried about what my NZ options might be on return. N's new job, although it's quite stressful at the best of times, is still a lot better than the soul destroying stuff of previously.  It's also good that we both have  potential friends and one or two more actual friends... something which takes a fair bit of time for both of us.

It hasn't all been roses, but we have had much more good than bad over here... and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

To help continue what has been a great start to 2014, we're off to Dublin, Iceland (again!), Italy
/France (Cinque Terre and the southern coast of France). I'm still plodding along with my French study, which should make it slightly easier than previously (or maybe not...)

I've entered a BJJ comp (!!!! first since my bicep tear) and due to low numbers in the 35+ crowd have been bunged in with the young 'uns. Should make for fun and games! Competing at 94.3kg and below (a 2kg gi needs to be included in the weight), which is the lightest I've ever competed, and something I'm able to do without much effort... I even vaguely considered 88.6, but that would mean getting down to at least 86kg out of the gi, just after Christmas etc. which would entail much effort. Maybe next time. If there is a next time.

In other news, I wear an L shirt now, and almost fit into an M dress shirt this week. Down from my tent like XXL of mid 2012...

Turning 40 this year and I'm really happy with the lead in so far... so much potential!

Consuming the puffin

I think it's pretty clear from the name of the blog and picture associated with it that I have seen puffins as something of worth. Emblematic of the path of least non-awesomeness, my spirit animal even. I love the way they look, their sad eyes, their comical beaks, their slow little dances. That they live in cool out of the way places like Staffa and Iceland only adds to the appeal. You have to go find them, they're not going to make it easy for you, coming and stealing your chips, begging for crumbs, hanging about in the easiest to find tourist spots like seagulls or pigeons. Puffins are awesome, and I'm not even entirely sure I fully grasp how awesome they are, because I actually know very little about the different variations of puffin, their migration patterns, the food they like to eat (aside from fish generally), but I know I like them.

But now I have a confession to make. A confession that has meant breaking my over 1 year silence on this blog: I have now eaten puffin.

According to common sense (and possibly some actual anthropological research), many traditional cultures believe that by eating certain animals you gain some of their valued qualities. Tiger testicles (or is it penis?) for instance will make men as virile as a tiger. Whether tigers are actually virile (after all we've managed to almost wipe them out to get said testicles and they don't seem to reproduce very quickly) is another story, perhaps for another day, another time (another meal? I kid, I kid, near extinct animals are off the table). What eating puffin gave me immediately was a wrenching feeling in my ‘soul’ every time I thought about them (which is incredibly easy in Reykjavik as they're a big part of the tourist scene - including a whole shop of puffin based memorabilia). I didn’t feel differently awesome in any sense of the word afterward (aside from having eaten a rather delicious meal!)… in other words I don’t think I’ve taken on board any of their (admittedly anthropomorphically imposed) qualities of awesomeness.

It did lead me to think through some of the key issues around what we eat and why though. As a meat eater, I (and many within my worldview) eat from only a select group of animal flesh. Staying in Iceland forced me to confront some of the assumptions I have about eating (sustainably caught) whale, puffin, horse (foal specifically) and what makes them qualitatively different from cow, pig, chicken etc. Having now eaten foal (yes, I went there too!), should I make a point of mentioning this to horse loving people in my life? Would I hesitate in suggesting that chowing down on some cat might be something I’d like to try at some point around those who seem to think house cats are worthy of attention beyond basting for a BBQ? After all, I continue to eat meat and talk about this around vegetarian and vegan friends (albeit with some modicum of reserve). Is there a difference? OR should I collapse under the weight of these concerns and become a vegetarian/vegan myself as I often wonder in the dark of night alongside worrying about dying before my wife and whether that twinge in my lower back is cancer?

Types of English we have 'met' 1

The 45er
Found on roads, this person will drive consistently at 45mph, in 30m zones and 60m zones. They are the honey badger of driving. They don't give a fuck, they just drive at the speed they like. So... you end up sitting on their tail for ages, unable to pass on the narrow UK roads, and then they sprint ahead, putting the lives of small children at risk in areas that are clearly speed limited for a reason.

I don't really care about the rich people hamlets where they have obviously petitioned the Council for a 30mph sign when they don't deserve it... 3 houses on 1m of road does not deserve a 30mph sign, no matter how much money you have...

These are a common form of English driver, you will meet one every time you go driving. I mentioned them to my BJJ coach, he smiled, nodded and said "yeah, you can't avoid those" (the fucking fuckers was implied).

The 'swamped' administrator
To be fair, it's not just administrators, it's any person in a job where you need them to provide you with information, or a task, or service. They are always SWAMPED, OVERWHELMED, TOO BUSY... These are the same people who spend hours of their day popping into other people's offices to tell them how busy they are. They have 1 hr coffees with people ostensibly to talk about work, but will often degenerate into talk about children or similar. They will then comment after coming back from said meeting that they would love to help with your project, but they are too swamped.

The swamped person usually starts their day with a cup of tea and a round or six of solitare. They don't answer their phone till half an hour after they start work. Case in point: buying tickets to visit Warwick Castle - rang immediately after they opened, and was put on hold (at 10p a minute) because their call staff are BUSY ON OTHER CALLS. I realised what was going on after a long wait, and then called back at 9.30 (after tea/solitare time) and the phone was immediately picked up.

My mother in law works in a general practice where this is rife. The receptionists have had to be repeatedly reminded that there is a half hour window from 8-8.30 when most people will ring for an appointment (in fact it's suggested that patients do this!) but these receptionists will often not have their computers on, nor answer their phones until after their tea 'break' (which they start as soon as they arrive). I do not think this is unusual at all, and is a systemic issue.

Ol' orange face
Known as the 'Essex girl' in some circles. A woman with (usually) bleached blonde hair, extremely tight clothing (whether it's flattering or not), and a weird pancaked on orange tinted make up. It looks like they've gone the whole hog on trying to appear like they have a fake tan. They will often come in 'flocks' and are widespread (not just Essex). Always working class, and often pushing a pram.

The hipster
Can be found in places I always find to be awesome. But of course they do what I'm doing to be ironic, or to show superiority. I only do these things because they're awesome (Rob Delaney shows, craft beer bars, great coffee places).

The men almost always have close cropped beards, check shirts of some kind or another, and a scarf that is Sherlock derived. They are almost always hanging out with other men, ergo, I have no real fix on English hipster girls...

Despite my weight loss, I am too old and fat to be a hipster of this variety, and as mentioned seem to be doing similar things for different reasons (or at least that's what I keep telling myself - I'm NOT a hipster!)

UK Beers I

While I have great hopes for beer tasting in the next two years, I have been disturbed by the number of Australian lagers on tap so far (in other words Miriam will love it! :-)). I have managed to try a couple of UK beers so far, and haven't been super wowed quite yet.

Brakspear Bitter
Style: Mild
Brewery: Breakspar (one of the big names here)
Rating:5.5
Chance of drinking again: Only if there are no other options. I've tried it, it's OK, doesn't warrant eager drinking.
I really wasn't impressed by this at all. It was an ale, and was much better than anything in Portugal (aside from the sneaky Budvar I got in), but it was a bit of nothing really, Just enough malt to be malty, but not enough to avoid being a little watery, enough beeriness to raise expectations but ultimately disappointing. Missing the creamy smoothness of other handpulled beers I've had, this beer would be better suited to being cold and a bit more fizzy (in other words it needs something to hide its flaws). No real hop profile to speak of.

Rebellion IPA
Style: IPA
Brewery: Marlow Brewery
Rating 7/10
Chance of drinking again: Relatively high. I would look for it in the supermarket.
This was a welcome shift up from all other beers I've had this trip. A solid ale with some nice creaminess and malty goodness. Missing the hop levels of APAs and NZ IPAs, it nonetheless was a good example of the British style. Had the handpulled creaminess, and just the right temperature for the evening. Was also good to taste a beer from a local Oxfordshire brewery. Great baseline, wish I hadn't ruined that honour with the Brakspear....

Portuguese beer...

Despite sometimes strong misgivings, I like to give the local beer selection in a country a go before judging it. Even if it looks crap, I like to give it a whirl so that when a friendly waiter offers me the beer, I can pound my way through the sense of obligation and their national pride with a well researched opinion.

In these times I can then (with authority) say "No thanks! I'd rather have water" OR "I have a liver disorder, which means I only drink beer that's worth it" (not really for waiters, but good for when people you know try and foist the latest lager internationale on you).

As I'll be in bunch more countries than is typical, I thought I'd start to review the local beers... for research's sake. Starting doesn't mean finishing though, but I intend to do more than one.

So, without further ado... Portugal's two most popular beers:

Super Bock:
Style: pale 'lager'
Rating: 1/10
Chance of drinking again: Even if it were the only beer, or even alcoholic beverage in the world, I would choose to remain abstinent rather than let it pass my lips.
It's sole redeeming feature was how cold it was. Fizzy, watery, in fact a lot like fizzy water, which I hate, so I had an automatic dislike for this. It didn't improve as the fizz wore off, in fact it got worse because it was less cold. Instead of any malt or hops coming to the fore, the defining taste continued to be... water. And not nice water either, water sort of muddied with an indefinable something that you wish wasn't there.

Based on all these features, I predict it could well become the next Corona or Sol in time. People who don't like beer but pretend they do will love it.


Sagres
Style: pale lager
Rating 3/10
Chance of drinking again: With no other real beer options, would drink again (and have done so).
A much better offering than Super Bock (although less available in Porto and less marketed). The first time I saw this beer I was quite put off, as the advertising is blatantly sexist (think Lynx without the 'irony' - Update - while still sexist, turns out the advertising was more "drink the mini and retain your beach body" ala Special K ads). But after 'Super' Bock (Subpar Bock hereafter), I was hoping for something that might be more beer-ish to drink on those hot Portuguese afternoons. Turns out this is actually drinkable when cold, has a bit of a malty flavour (no hops noticeable though).

The beer was also very fizzy, but with actual flavour arising from it, it meant I might actually have this again...

Update: I have modified some aspects of the review system as it basically comes down to "Would I drink this again with no other options and it were presented to me" - turns out percentages are no bloody use to anyone, no bloody use at all... I also upgraded the rating for Sagres to account for both Jody and Miriam's comments - I will hereafter rate beers based within their style rather than overall from now on... I will, HOWEVER, reserve the right to bitch about lagers as they mostly suck. You cannot be a lager aficionado - that is like being a coca-cola aficionado. I also reserve the right to make sweeping statements like this...

Portugal is awesome

And we've barely even started.

Feels so good to be doing this holiday (sans Spain) that we've been thinking about for some time.

Porto is kinda awesome, kinda run down, kinda Taiwan-esque, kinda hilly... but a great place to start this thing off...

Things I am grateful for...

1) My awesome wife.
2) Jody's positivity about the benefits of our move. I really hope that there are some benefits for you and I'm not just being a positivity vampire...
3) An improved sense of wellbeing while flying (aided by valium, but much better than other iterations) - flight was only average,but I was more annoyed by all the sitting about than the moderate bumpiness.
4) Flying through immigration (not literally, but pretty damned snappy) - being smiled at and chatted with by a friendly gatekeeper into the UK.
5) Finding not one but two places that make good coffee in Henley.
6) Our boxes arriving just before we did. Meant I could also make good coffee at home!
7) Getting some tasks and research accomplished like bosses, but without the pressure of needing to shit on anyone's desk or cut off our own genitals.
8) A pretty good transition to the new timezone. Both tired, but actually getting better sleep than before we left.
9) Nicola's parents making life pretty sweet for us, even if much of this is in the form of tempting treats to undermine my sweet dieting skills.
10) Feeling like I will be missed. It sucks as a feeling on one level, but it helps to know that I'm not a complete loser when people do awesome things and say awesome stuff to and about me. Selfish and self indulgent, but also motivates me even more toward being a better Gareth.
11) Videos of Gareth being an awesome Gareth.

Leaving

Sucks.

Being left behind sucks.

Why do we do this to ourselves again???

Muddling and awesomeness...

There are days that I feel like a Jedi. Mostly when I'm rolling, but sometimes when I teach at Uni as well.

Everything is easy, effortless. Occasionally when this is happening I will see the face of the person I'm rolling with, when they've realised they've effectively swept themselves, or given me the pass or have subbed themselves, and the WTF look makes me feel like a magician...

Often I will be asked what I did, or what they did and it's hard to explain. But they don't want to hear it's the product of 6 years of muddling.

The same thing happens at Uni much less frequently - presenting material, a theory, an idea in a way that students jaws literally drop. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. Again though, it's taken days, and sometimes weeks of muddling my way through preparation to get a turn of phrase, or the inclusion of an example, just right. It's also taken years of being immersed in these ideas; getting them wrong, making dumb statements and framing ideas poorly to finally get some of them right.

I have seen people with much more potential than me, better athletes, younger guys, better public speakers, harder workers come and go. I've seen people who could have finished a high quality PhD go off and find a job because they burnt out doing their Masters. I've seen guys who smashed everybody after six months of BJJ disappear because of various other life things...

I've seen 'gifted' people fall by the wayside too many times to count.

If I have a 'gift,' it's muddling.

I muddle my way through various aspects of my life. I won't be a 4-6 year black belt in BJJ, but I may make it in 10-12. The thing is though, that barring injury, or some other major life event, I WILL make it to black belt - as long as I'm willing to make a commitment to muddling my way to awesomeness.

I won't be a world champion black belt, but I'll be pretty good.

I will be a respected academic at some point - I possibly won't be a Connell, or a Wetherell, but I'll be pretty good at my job.

I won't get there by being the hardest worker, or by being the most gifted, but by recognising that the path of muddling does bring its own kind of success, its own least non-awesomeness. If I compare myself with the best and brightest (as I often do), I will probably lose heart and will not do as well as I could, but if I muddle, I will still be around when (many of) the best and brightest aren't.

I realise this might be construed as an extended humblebrag...  in which case, it wasn't a very straightforward one...

Admitting you're a blogger

Hi, My name is Gareth, and I'm a blogger.

Not a very consistent one, but now people know about this blog, so I will probably have to lift my game.

Or something...

I'm not sure whether letting people know will mean more regular posts, or whether moving to the UK will provide more impetus, but blog I will. Or maybe not. It will depend.

Don't expect much...

Have I mentioned how much I hate DB?

Tui is really just DB with a different name in case people hadn't realised. It enables DB to distance themselves from the absolutely atrocious beer Tui makes, and the flat out sexism dressed up as humour that Tui indulges in. It's important for DB to create some distance, because if people actually started caring about a) beer, and b) a better NZ, they'd be dropping DB as soon as humanly possible.

Tui are appealing to the lowest common denominator in NZ society - the dumbarses who drink a particular beer because the advertising connects with their redneck, backward views of the world, where men are MEN, and women are sex objects with no value aside from their (hetero)sexuality.

If you drink Tui, you're a bloody idiot.

Admittedly some of Tui's ads have been good. They are quick on the mark to take the mickey out of just about anyone. But the shameless sexism, and attempts to appeal to anti-'PC' brainlessness has no place in a society wanting to move forward. It's regressive and it's only value is purely about making DB money (from said dumbarses).

Feminism has done more for a better NZ society than beer ever has. And Tui, well Tui hasn't even done anything for NZ beer... other than provide a standard of poor quality that even Boundary Road can rise above.

Moving to the UK

OK, so moving is happening. A job at The Open University has come up. It's for 2 years and I'm currently dealing through a huge amount of avoidance-based thought processes. My partner is dealing by selling everything we own.

The move is good. It brings a bit of freshness to our lives. It's also meant the superordinate stress has surpassed any anxiety I have been feeling about lecturing a course for the first time. Hopefully I'll manage to find the right amount of anxiety to keep me motivated and productive, yet not be overwhelmed.

Looking forward to good beer everywhere, a different work environment and some awesome BJJ coaching where I can be the student for an extended period.

Yay!

To cheapen worth

One of the things that drew me to BJJ was the suggestion that rank only comes when someone is worthy of it. It's safe to say that my eyes have been opened in the last few years, and I have seen people promoted for a number of reasons other than ability (I've also seen some held back despite ability for various political reasons). The thing that really gets my back up though, is promoting people for training a long time (but without the necessary skills)...

Having trained for 6 years, but not being a regular competitor (and when I did underperforming in relation to my ability), I wonder at times whether I 'stack up' with other purples. Not enough to drive me to regular competition though :). I do know that I hold my own well against high level blues (even athletic high level blues!), established purples (even fit, strong purples), and even the odd black belt (OK I got smashed, but not hideously, soul crushingly so).

So when I see or hear about a belt that got given cos the person's been around a while, and yet has little of the necessary requirements for that grade it makes me grumpy.

In some ways I'm looking forward to moving overseas. It means it'll take me a while before I figure out a new context enough to become this jaded again...

Long time... no post

It's funny what almost a year will do for your head-space.

Much of my posting has sounded pretty whiny and self-indulgent - but this a blog after all and that's what they're supposed to for isn't it?

Surely!

Anyway. One of the things that is defining my life aside from the quest for least non-awesomeness, is thinking about what it is that sustains long term perspective. This is true of both my work and my BJJ, but also factors in stuff like weight control, health regimes exercise etc. all necessary features of a life approaching forty it turns out...

But if I'm honest the thing that gets most attention at the moment is my longevity in BJJ. In practice that means investing in myself (to borrow from John Will). It means being willing to sacrifice a bit to afford seminars with some of the best in the world. It means enjoying training, coaching, rolling.

And a huge part of it is 'minimising your ego, to maximise your BJJ' (Rener Gracie, 2011). This means not getting uppity when people 'pass' me (in rank or my guard), not beating myself up if my rolling sucks for a week or two, living more in the moment and the little wins. It also means investing in the relationships I have at the club, especially with those who have been around a while and who are most likely to be around in a few years time.

Another part is reducing injury and skin infections. This means weighing the value of competition, taking the hassles about my MMA socks (to reduce risk of athletes' foot), not taking unnecessary risks to appease my ego, learning to roll at 70% even if it means my arse is being handed to me cos someone else with some skills (and/or attributes) is running at 100%.

In terms of work, it means immersing myself a lot more in the reading process. As I'm a little ADHD, it's often hard to sit and read continuously for long periods. but I need that, so I'm not drawing down on half-arsed ideas or worse from absence. Which brings me back to BJJ... must.drill.more... Especially the Jedi Mind Trick...

Purple Belt

OK, so it turns out it wasn't too much later that I got mine.

My purple was handed to me at a John Will seminar.

As my coaches are also purples, they 'arranged' a private session with the head honcho that was ostensibly to thank me for coaching and being a senior member of the club. Turns out I was under observation and apparently passed with flying colours.

They didn't tell me this until well after I had been through a fairly rocky weekend post seminar, where I felt the thing wasn't entirely deserved (I often still don't). I remember the blue transition being similar with bouts of feeling depressed about the heaviness of the thing (pun unintended).

I think this is partially my own self esteem stuff, but also the weight we put on the coloured belts here due to their lack in the club. The purple really feels like a black belt here and the weight of that is pretty huge at times...

Despite all the angst and worries about the huge target now on my back, this is a good thing. While the belt itself is only a recognition that I'm reducing the non-awesomeness in my life in small stages, it's beginning to feel OK wearing it and I kinda like that...

Getting passed part deux

OK, so long time no post. Mostly because there's no real reason to...

The guy from the June post update: After moving on to a new club has now been awarded his purple belt. I'm still sitting on my (late) blue, so it was definitely a good move on his part as the new challenges and teaching offered in a black belt run club have obviously worked for him. Again, mixed feelings. I'll be quite disappointed if I don't get a purple of my own in the near(ish) future, but in many ways I feel kind of proud of the guy...

Being Doctored

The last couple of months have contained less stress than the previous few, but nonetheless time has disappeared. I find myself posting months after the previous post, which is fine I think, as I'm pretty sure no-one is reading this (yet?). I'd like to believe that at some point following the path of least non-awesomeness means that my increasing awesomeness will eventually overwhelm the internet and people will discover rather than be pointed to this by the blogger (which often seems to be how people find blogs?)...

OK, so really I'm not sure if I like the idea of being a blogger and am really just using this as an excuse to laugh at people who tell me I should blog.

OK, so...

I'm now a PhD in psychology. I have no idea what this means for now, but especially concerning my next steps. Academia is the most unfair of all occupations in that you kind of have to go where the work is. This (probably) means moving from my comfortable life here and going somewhere less comfortable. The question is... which is less non-awesome?

Getting passed...

This is (surprisingly) a BJJ related post, and others who do the aforementioned art/sport will associate the title with impending crush-edness (or a need to escape early/reguard if you're good enough). However, this post is less to do with actual rolling and more to do with my own state of mind in being one of the 'top dogs' (or Big Fishes) at a club and having some newer guy begin to seriously kick your arse.

Our club is a relatively young one, mostly white belts, about 10 blues and a couple of purples. I'm the longest standing blue, mostly due to the everso typical (so I understand) blue belt drop-off that has knocked out a couple of others who were 'ahead' of me.

My 'problem' (until very recently) has been with a guy who has been training half as long as I have, but who is much more gifted in the picking up of BJJ awesomeness. He recently got his blue (in just over half the amount of time I did) and seems on his way to get his purple in a relatively short time as well. He has immeasurably more time on his hands to train, is very smart and has that damnedly horrible ability to pick up techniques and concepts the moment he sees or hears about them. He seems to have a direct line between his retinas and his body in a way that I've never seen before. He's also a bigger guy, closer to my own weight (but much more athletic) than the purples in the club who are lighter than me...

I am also a plodder. It takes me some time to get stuff ingrained and it's only through regular drilling of stuff that I've gotten anywhere. Even though I've been blessed with some truly awesome training partners who have lifted my game and given me a lot of motivation, I am resigned to a 'normal' progression though the belts. This means that although I had a good head start on him, now that he's catching (caught?) me, it's only a matter of time before he's much better than I am.

In a bigger club, without my status as one of the 'seniors' to worry about, this guy getting his purple ahead of me would be no problem (or less of a problem? Maybe?). However, I have had to battle myself and my ego in the last few months in the realisation that not only had this guy almost 'caught up' to me in ability/knowledge etc. but he was now on his way to surpassing me.

I was just getting settled into the mode of 'getting passed' (a mental side control if you will). While I would attempt to re-guard, stay on my side, provide a challenge to this guy as he took my space as the 'top' blue, I had come to some acceptance that this was what had happened and not pretending it was otherwise.

And then like a bolt from the blue, this guy announces he's leaving the club.

I'm now in a strange place, one that I wasn't expecting... and the overwhelming emotion has not been relief (which knowing how selfish I am would have been what I would have expected), but a form of grief.

This guy challenged me, he pushed me in ways that others weren't. His guard confounded me in ways no-one else's has. My passing is better, my flow is better, my overall BJJ is better... because of his place in the club. While he was on his way to surpassing me (and probably still will, just in another club), by virtue of doing what he was doing he had helped make the surpassing more difficult for himself, by helping others like myself get better.

It's too early to tell what sort of impact this will have on the club and my own training, but it really feels like someone has passed my guard, then gotten off me and walked away.

Beer

I really like beer, but not all beer.

I really like good quality, craft beer. I try to pretend this isn't about pretensiousness or elitism, but I really can't maintain that pretence without degenerating into ridiculousness...

Mainstream breweries tend to be pitching at mediocrity in order to maximise profits and in doing so produce a pretty awful 'standard' across the board. What is worse is when they make all sorts of claims (both implicit and explicit) about the quality and comparisons to be made with their beers (as an example, Macs trying to set up Belgian (style) Beer Cafes with their horrible attempts at 'wheat beers' and 'pilsners' OR Tui claiming to be a Pale Ale).

In saying this I need to recognise that beer is an acquired taste, and when you're mostly drinking it for its alcoholic effects (as many NZers are), having it ice cold and uninspiring is probably what the majority of the market is looking for. In contrast, I like my beers bitter with citrusy hoppiness (that comes through in taste and aroma) and a good balance of maltiness. Largely the only people making these sorts of beers are smaller breweries that haven't been taken over by the Big Two (Lion and DB) in NZ.

Craft beers (as a consequence of using high quality ingredients and not being driven by bottom lines) are relatively expensive. That's fine for me though, as I don't (can't) drink to excess anyway. Limiting myself to one or two really good beers, may be for many on the same level as much of the wank that goes on with wine tasting (but clearly without the long history of extreme wankiness because it's about beer after all). I have no problem with that.

Enjoying each beer for it's craftsmanship and quality, and the different flavours mingling and contrasting is something lost on many beer drinkers, but it's what defines my relationship with beer (the mild buzz I occasionally allow myself is only a bonus)...

So, I look forward with great excitement to Beervana in Wellington at the end of August, which may also coincide with training at the best BJJ club in the country... (almost got through a whole post without mentioning BJJ!)

Really good beer IS awesome and enjoying it rather than simply consuming it on the way to some kind of micro-oblivion is even more awesome.