Have I mentioned how much I hate DB?

Tui is really just DB with a different name in case people hadn't realised. It enables DB to distance themselves from the absolutely atrocious beer Tui makes, and the flat out sexism dressed up as humour that Tui indulges in. It's important for DB to create some distance, because if people actually started caring about a) beer, and b) a better NZ, they'd be dropping DB as soon as humanly possible.

Tui are appealing to the lowest common denominator in NZ society - the dumbarses who drink a particular beer because the advertising connects with their redneck, backward views of the world, where men are MEN, and women are sex objects with no value aside from their (hetero)sexuality.

If you drink Tui, you're a bloody idiot.

Admittedly some of Tui's ads have been good. They are quick on the mark to take the mickey out of just about anyone. But the shameless sexism, and attempts to appeal to anti-'PC' brainlessness has no place in a society wanting to move forward. It's regressive and it's only value is purely about making DB money (from said dumbarses).

Feminism has done more for a better NZ society than beer ever has. And Tui, well Tui hasn't even done anything for NZ beer... other than provide a standard of poor quality that even Boundary Road can rise above.

Moving to the UK

OK, so moving is happening. A job at The Open University has come up. It's for 2 years and I'm currently dealing through a huge amount of avoidance-based thought processes. My partner is dealing by selling everything we own.

The move is good. It brings a bit of freshness to our lives. It's also meant the superordinate stress has surpassed any anxiety I have been feeling about lecturing a course for the first time. Hopefully I'll manage to find the right amount of anxiety to keep me motivated and productive, yet not be overwhelmed.

Looking forward to good beer everywhere, a different work environment and some awesome BJJ coaching where I can be the student for an extended period.

Yay!

To cheapen worth

One of the things that drew me to BJJ was the suggestion that rank only comes when someone is worthy of it. It's safe to say that my eyes have been opened in the last few years, and I have seen people promoted for a number of reasons other than ability (I've also seen some held back despite ability for various political reasons). The thing that really gets my back up though, is promoting people for training a long time (but without the necessary skills)...

Having trained for 6 years, but not being a regular competitor (and when I did underperforming in relation to my ability), I wonder at times whether I 'stack up' with other purples. Not enough to drive me to regular competition though :). I do know that I hold my own well against high level blues (even athletic high level blues!), established purples (even fit, strong purples), and even the odd black belt (OK I got smashed, but not hideously, soul crushingly so).

So when I see or hear about a belt that got given cos the person's been around a while, and yet has little of the necessary requirements for that grade it makes me grumpy.

In some ways I'm looking forward to moving overseas. It means it'll take me a while before I figure out a new context enough to become this jaded again...

Long time... no post

It's funny what almost a year will do for your head-space.

Much of my posting has sounded pretty whiny and self-indulgent - but this a blog after all and that's what they're supposed to for isn't it?

Surely!

Anyway. One of the things that is defining my life aside from the quest for least non-awesomeness, is thinking about what it is that sustains long term perspective. This is true of both my work and my BJJ, but also factors in stuff like weight control, health regimes exercise etc. all necessary features of a life approaching forty it turns out...

But if I'm honest the thing that gets most attention at the moment is my longevity in BJJ. In practice that means investing in myself (to borrow from John Will). It means being willing to sacrifice a bit to afford seminars with some of the best in the world. It means enjoying training, coaching, rolling.

And a huge part of it is 'minimising your ego, to maximise your BJJ' (Rener Gracie, 2011). This means not getting uppity when people 'pass' me (in rank or my guard), not beating myself up if my rolling sucks for a week or two, living more in the moment and the little wins. It also means investing in the relationships I have at the club, especially with those who have been around a while and who are most likely to be around in a few years time.

Another part is reducing injury and skin infections. This means weighing the value of competition, taking the hassles about my MMA socks (to reduce risk of athletes' foot), not taking unnecessary risks to appease my ego, learning to roll at 70% even if it means my arse is being handed to me cos someone else with some skills (and/or attributes) is running at 100%.

In terms of work, it means immersing myself a lot more in the reading process. As I'm a little ADHD, it's often hard to sit and read continuously for long periods. but I need that, so I'm not drawing down on half-arsed ideas or worse from absence. Which brings me back to BJJ... must.drill.more... Especially the Jedi Mind Trick...

Purple Belt

OK, so it turns out it wasn't too much later that I got mine.

My purple was handed to me at a John Will seminar.

As my coaches are also purples, they 'arranged' a private session with the head honcho that was ostensibly to thank me for coaching and being a senior member of the club. Turns out I was under observation and apparently passed with flying colours.

They didn't tell me this until well after I had been through a fairly rocky weekend post seminar, where I felt the thing wasn't entirely deserved (I often still don't). I remember the blue transition being similar with bouts of feeling depressed about the heaviness of the thing (pun unintended).

I think this is partially my own self esteem stuff, but also the weight we put on the coloured belts here due to their lack in the club. The purple really feels like a black belt here and the weight of that is pretty huge at times...

Despite all the angst and worries about the huge target now on my back, this is a good thing. While the belt itself is only a recognition that I'm reducing the non-awesomeness in my life in small stages, it's beginning to feel OK wearing it and I kinda like that...

Getting passed part deux

OK, so long time no post. Mostly because there's no real reason to...

The guy from the June post update: After moving on to a new club has now been awarded his purple belt. I'm still sitting on my (late) blue, so it was definitely a good move on his part as the new challenges and teaching offered in a black belt run club have obviously worked for him. Again, mixed feelings. I'll be quite disappointed if I don't get a purple of my own in the near(ish) future, but in many ways I feel kind of proud of the guy...

Being Doctored

The last couple of months have contained less stress than the previous few, but nonetheless time has disappeared. I find myself posting months after the previous post, which is fine I think, as I'm pretty sure no-one is reading this (yet?). I'd like to believe that at some point following the path of least non-awesomeness means that my increasing awesomeness will eventually overwhelm the internet and people will discover rather than be pointed to this by the blogger (which often seems to be how people find blogs?)...

OK, so really I'm not sure if I like the idea of being a blogger and am really just using this as an excuse to laugh at people who tell me I should blog.

OK, so...

I'm now a PhD in psychology. I have no idea what this means for now, but especially concerning my next steps. Academia is the most unfair of all occupations in that you kind of have to go where the work is. This (probably) means moving from my comfortable life here and going somewhere less comfortable. The question is... which is less non-awesome?