I think it's pretty clear from the name of the blog and picture associated
with it that I have seen puffins as something of worth. Emblematic of the path
of least non-awesomeness, my spirit animal even. I love the way they look,
their sad eyes, their comical beaks, their slow little dances. That they live
in cool out of the way places like Staffa and Iceland only adds to the appeal.
You have to go find them, they're not going to make it easy for you, coming and
stealing your chips, begging for crumbs, hanging about in the easiest to find
tourist spots like seagulls or pigeons. Puffins are awesome, and I'm not even
entirely sure I fully grasp how awesome they are, because I actually know very
little about the different variations of puffin, their migration patterns, the
food they like to eat (aside from fish generally), but I know I like
them.
But now I have a confession to make. A confession that has meant breaking my
over 1 year silence on this blog: I have now eaten puffin.
According to common sense (and possibly some actual anthropological
research), many traditional cultures believe that by eating certain animals you
gain some of their valued qualities. Tiger testicles (or is it penis?) for
instance will make men as virile as a tiger. Whether tigers are actually virile
(after all we've managed to almost wipe them out to get said testicles and they
don't seem to reproduce very quickly) is another story, perhaps for another
day, another time (another meal? I kid, I kid, near extinct animals are off the
table). What eating puffin gave me immediately was a wrenching feeling in my ‘soul’
every time I thought about them (which is incredibly easy in Reykjavik as
they're a big part of the tourist scene - including a whole shop of puffin
based memorabilia). I didn’t feel differently awesome in any sense of the word
afterward (aside from having eaten a rather delicious meal!)… in other words I
don’t think I’ve taken on board any of their (admittedly anthropomorphically
imposed) qualities of awesomeness.
It did lead me to think through some of the key issues around what we eat
and why though. As a meat eater, I (and many within my worldview) eat from only
a select group of animal flesh. Staying in Iceland forced me to confront some
of the assumptions I have about eating (sustainably caught) whale, puffin, horse
(foal specifically) and what makes them qualitatively different from cow, pig,
chicken etc. Having now eaten foal (yes, I went there too!), should I make a
point of mentioning this to horse loving people in my life? Would I hesitate
in suggesting that chowing down on some cat might be something I’d like to try
at some point around those who seem to think house cats are worthy of attention
beyond basting for a BBQ? After all, I continue to eat meat and talk about this
around vegetarian and vegan friends (albeit with some modicum of reserve). Is
there a difference? OR should I collapse under the weight of these concerns and
become a vegetarian/vegan myself as I often wonder in the dark of night
alongside worrying about dying before my wife and whether that twinge in my
lower back is cancer?
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Types of English we have 'met' 1
The 45er
Found on roads, this person will drive consistently at 45mph, in 30m zones and 60m zones. They are the honey badger of driving. They don't give a fuck, they just drive at the speed they like. So... you end up sitting on their tail for ages, unable to pass on the narrow UK roads, and then they sprint ahead, putting the lives of small children at risk in areas that are clearly speed limited for a reason.
I don't really care about the rich people hamlets where they have obviously petitioned the Council for a 30mph sign when they don't deserve it... 3 houses on 1m of road does not deserve a 30mph sign, no matter how much money you have...
These are a common form of English driver, you will meet one every time you go driving. I mentioned them to my BJJ coach, he smiled, nodded and said "yeah, you can't avoid those" (the fucking fuckers was implied).
The 'swamped' administrator
To be fair, it's not just administrators, it's any person in a job where you need them to provide you with information, or a task, or service. They are always SWAMPED, OVERWHELMED, TOO BUSY... These are the same people who spend hours of their day popping into other people's offices to tell them how busy they are. They have 1 hr coffees with people ostensibly to talk about work, but will often degenerate into talk about children or similar. They will then comment after coming back from said meeting that they would love to help with your project, but they are too swamped.
The swamped person usually starts their day with a cup of tea and a round or six of solitare. They don't answer their phone till half an hour after they start work. Case in point: buying tickets to visit Warwick Castle - rang immediately after they opened, and was put on hold (at 10p a minute) because their call staff are BUSY ON OTHER CALLS. I realised what was going on after a long wait, and then called back at 9.30 (after tea/solitare time) and the phone was immediately picked up.
My mother in law works in a general practice where this is rife. The receptionists have had to be repeatedly reminded that there is a half hour window from 8-8.30 when most people will ring for an appointment (in fact it's suggested that patients do this!) but these receptionists will often not have their computers on, nor answer their phones until after their tea 'break' (which they start as soon as they arrive). I do not think this is unusual at all, and is a systemic issue.
Ol' orange face
Known as the 'Essex girl' in some circles. A woman with (usually) bleached blonde hair, extremely tight clothing (whether it's flattering or not), and a weird pancaked on orange tinted make up. It looks like they've gone the whole hog on trying to appear like they have a fake tan. They will often come in 'flocks' and are widespread (not just Essex). Always working class, and often pushing a pram.
The hipster
Can be found in places I always find to be awesome. But of course they do what I'm doing to be ironic, or to show superiority. I only do these things because they're awesome (Rob Delaney shows, craft beer bars, great coffee places).
The men almost always have close cropped beards, check shirts of some kind or another, and a scarf that is Sherlock derived. They are almost always hanging out with other men, ergo, I have no real fix on English hipster girls...
Despite my weight loss, I am too old and fat to be a hipster of this variety, and as mentioned seem to be doing similar things for different reasons (or at least that's what I keep telling myself - I'm NOT a hipster!)
Found on roads, this person will drive consistently at 45mph, in 30m zones and 60m zones. They are the honey badger of driving. They don't give a fuck, they just drive at the speed they like. So... you end up sitting on their tail for ages, unable to pass on the narrow UK roads, and then they sprint ahead, putting the lives of small children at risk in areas that are clearly speed limited for a reason.
I don't really care about the rich people hamlets where they have obviously petitioned the Council for a 30mph sign when they don't deserve it... 3 houses on 1m of road does not deserve a 30mph sign, no matter how much money you have...
These are a common form of English driver, you will meet one every time you go driving. I mentioned them to my BJJ coach, he smiled, nodded and said "yeah, you can't avoid those" (the fucking fuckers was implied).
The 'swamped' administrator
To be fair, it's not just administrators, it's any person in a job where you need them to provide you with information, or a task, or service. They are always SWAMPED, OVERWHELMED, TOO BUSY... These are the same people who spend hours of their day popping into other people's offices to tell them how busy they are. They have 1 hr coffees with people ostensibly to talk about work, but will often degenerate into talk about children or similar. They will then comment after coming back from said meeting that they would love to help with your project, but they are too swamped.
The swamped person usually starts their day with a cup of tea and a round or six of solitare. They don't answer their phone till half an hour after they start work. Case in point: buying tickets to visit Warwick Castle - rang immediately after they opened, and was put on hold (at 10p a minute) because their call staff are BUSY ON OTHER CALLS. I realised what was going on after a long wait, and then called back at 9.30 (after tea/solitare time) and the phone was immediately picked up.
My mother in law works in a general practice where this is rife. The receptionists have had to be repeatedly reminded that there is a half hour window from 8-8.30 when most people will ring for an appointment (in fact it's suggested that patients do this!) but these receptionists will often not have their computers on, nor answer their phones until after their tea 'break' (which they start as soon as they arrive). I do not think this is unusual at all, and is a systemic issue.
Ol' orange face
Known as the 'Essex girl' in some circles. A woman with (usually) bleached blonde hair, extremely tight clothing (whether it's flattering or not), and a weird pancaked on orange tinted make up. It looks like they've gone the whole hog on trying to appear like they have a fake tan. They will often come in 'flocks' and are widespread (not just Essex). Always working class, and often pushing a pram.
The hipster
Can be found in places I always find to be awesome. But of course they do what I'm doing to be ironic, or to show superiority. I only do these things because they're awesome (Rob Delaney shows, craft beer bars, great coffee places).
The men almost always have close cropped beards, check shirts of some kind or another, and a scarf that is Sherlock derived. They are almost always hanging out with other men, ergo, I have no real fix on English hipster girls...
Despite my weight loss, I am too old and fat to be a hipster of this variety, and as mentioned seem to be doing similar things for different reasons (or at least that's what I keep telling myself - I'm NOT a hipster!)
Monday, August 27, 2012
UK Beers I
While I have great hopes for beer tasting in the next two years, I have been disturbed by the number of Australian lagers on tap so far (in other words Miriam will love it! :-)). I have managed to try a couple of UK beers so far, and haven't been super wowed quite yet.
Brakspear Bitter
Style: Mild
Brewery: Breakspar (one of the big names here)
Rating:5.5
Chance of drinking again: Only if there are no other options. I've tried it, it's OK, doesn't warrant eager drinking.
I really wasn't impressed by this at all. It was an ale, and was much better than anything in Portugal (aside from the sneaky Budvar I got in), but it was a bit of nothing really, Just enough malt to be malty, but not enough to avoid being a little watery, enough beeriness to raise expectations but ultimately disappointing. Missing the creamy smoothness of other handpulled beers I've had, this beer would be better suited to being cold and a bit more fizzy (in other words it needs something to hide its flaws). No real hop profile to speak of.
Rebellion IPA
Style: IPA
Brewery: Marlow Brewery
Rating 7/10
Chance of drinking again: Relatively high. I would look for it in the supermarket.
This was a welcome shift up from all other beers I've had this trip. A solid ale with some nice creaminess and malty goodness. Missing the hop levels of APAs and NZ IPAs, it nonetheless was a good example of the British style. Had the handpulled creaminess, and just the right temperature for the evening. Was also good to taste a beer from a local Oxfordshire brewery. Great baseline, wish I hadn't ruined that honour with the Brakspear....
Brakspear Bitter
Style: Mild
Brewery: Breakspar (one of the big names here)
Rating:5.5
Chance of drinking again: Only if there are no other options. I've tried it, it's OK, doesn't warrant eager drinking.
I really wasn't impressed by this at all. It was an ale, and was much better than anything in Portugal (aside from the sneaky Budvar I got in), but it was a bit of nothing really, Just enough malt to be malty, but not enough to avoid being a little watery, enough beeriness to raise expectations but ultimately disappointing. Missing the creamy smoothness of other handpulled beers I've had, this beer would be better suited to being cold and a bit more fizzy (in other words it needs something to hide its flaws). No real hop profile to speak of.
Rebellion IPA
Style: IPA
Brewery: Marlow Brewery
Rating 7/10
Chance of drinking again: Relatively high. I would look for it in the supermarket.
This was a welcome shift up from all other beers I've had this trip. A solid ale with some nice creaminess and malty goodness. Missing the hop levels of APAs and NZ IPAs, it nonetheless was a good example of the British style. Had the handpulled creaminess, and just the right temperature for the evening. Was also good to taste a beer from a local Oxfordshire brewery. Great baseline, wish I hadn't ruined that honour with the Brakspear....
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Portuguese beer...
Despite sometimes strong misgivings, I like to give the local beer selection in a country a go before judging it. Even if it looks crap, I like to give it a whirl so that when a friendly waiter offers me the beer, I can pound my way through the sense of obligation and their national pride with a well researched opinion.
In these times I can then (with authority) say "No thanks! I'd rather have water" OR "I have a liver disorder, which means I only drink beer that's worth it" (not really for waiters, but good for when people you know try and foist the latest lager internationale on you).
As I'll be in bunch more countries than is typical, I thought I'd start to review the local beers... for research's sake. Starting doesn't mean finishing though, but I intend to do more than one.
So, without further ado... Portugal's two most popular beers:
Super Bock:
Style: pale 'lager'
Rating: 1/10
Chance of drinking again: Even if it were the only beer, or even alcoholic beverage in the world, I would choose to remain abstinent rather than let it pass my lips.
It's sole redeeming feature was how cold it was. Fizzy, watery, in fact a lot like fizzy water, which I hate, so I had an automatic dislike for this. It didn't improve as the fizz wore off, in fact it got worse because it was less cold. Instead of any malt or hops coming to the fore, the defining taste continued to be... water. And not nice water either, water sort of muddied with an indefinable something that you wish wasn't there.
Based on all these features, I predict it could well become the next Corona or Sol in time. People who don't like beer but pretend they do will love it.
Sagres
Style: pale lager
Rating 3/10
Chance of drinking again: With no other real beer options, would drink again (and have done so).
A much better offering than Super Bock (although less available in Porto and less marketed). The first time I saw this beer I was quite put off, as the advertising is blatantly sexist (think Lynx without the 'irony' - Update - while still sexist, turns out the advertising was more "drink the mini and retain your beach body" ala Special K ads). But after 'Super' Bock (Subpar Bock hereafter), I was hoping for something that might be more beer-ish to drink on those hot Portuguese afternoons. Turns out this is actually drinkable when cold, has a bit of a malty flavour (no hops noticeable though).
The beer was also very fizzy, but with actual flavour arising from it, it meant I might actually have this again...
Update: I have modified some aspects of the review system as it basically comes down to "Would I drink this again with no other options and it were presented to me" - turns out percentages are no bloody use to anyone, no bloody use at all... I also upgraded the rating for Sagres to account for both Jody and Miriam's comments - I will hereafter rate beers based within their style rather than overall from now on... I will, HOWEVER, reserve the right to bitch about lagers as they mostly suck. You cannot be a lager aficionado - that is like being a coca-cola aficionado. I also reserve the right to make sweeping statements like this...
In these times I can then (with authority) say "No thanks! I'd rather have water" OR "I have a liver disorder, which means I only drink beer that's worth it" (not really for waiters, but good for when people you know try and foist the latest lager internationale on you).
As I'll be in bunch more countries than is typical, I thought I'd start to review the local beers... for research's sake. Starting doesn't mean finishing though, but I intend to do more than one.
So, without further ado... Portugal's two most popular beers:
Super Bock:
Style: pale 'lager'
Rating: 1/10
Chance of drinking again: Even if it were the only beer, or even alcoholic beverage in the world, I would choose to remain abstinent rather than let it pass my lips.
It's sole redeeming feature was how cold it was. Fizzy, watery, in fact a lot like fizzy water, which I hate, so I had an automatic dislike for this. It didn't improve as the fizz wore off, in fact it got worse because it was less cold. Instead of any malt or hops coming to the fore, the defining taste continued to be... water. And not nice water either, water sort of muddied with an indefinable something that you wish wasn't there.
Based on all these features, I predict it could well become the next Corona or Sol in time. People who don't like beer but pretend they do will love it.
Sagres
Style: pale lager
Rating 3/10
Chance of drinking again: With no other real beer options, would drink again (and have done so).
A much better offering than Super Bock (although less available in Porto and less marketed). The first time I saw this beer I was quite put off, as the advertising is blatantly sexist (think Lynx without the 'irony' - Update - while still sexist, turns out the advertising was more "drink the mini and retain your beach body" ala Special K ads). But after 'Super' Bock (Subpar Bock hereafter), I was hoping for something that might be more beer-ish to drink on those hot Portuguese afternoons. Turns out this is actually drinkable when cold, has a bit of a malty flavour (no hops noticeable though).
The beer was also very fizzy, but with actual flavour arising from it, it meant I might actually have this again...
Update: I have modified some aspects of the review system as it basically comes down to "Would I drink this again with no other options and it were presented to me" - turns out percentages are no bloody use to anyone, no bloody use at all... I also upgraded the rating for Sagres to account for both Jody and Miriam's comments - I will hereafter rate beers based within their style rather than overall from now on... I will, HOWEVER, reserve the right to bitch about lagers as they mostly suck. You cannot be a lager aficionado - that is like being a coca-cola aficionado. I also reserve the right to make sweeping statements like this...
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Portugal is awesome
And we've barely even started.
Feels so good to be doing this holiday (sans Spain) that we've been thinking about for some time.
Porto is kinda awesome, kinda run down, kinda Taiwan-esque, kinda hilly... but a great place to start this thing off...
Feels so good to be doing this holiday (sans Spain) that we've been thinking about for some time.
Porto is kinda awesome, kinda run down, kinda Taiwan-esque, kinda hilly... but a great place to start this thing off...
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Things I am grateful for...
1) My awesome wife.
2) Jody's positivity about the benefits of our move. I really hope that there are some benefits for you and I'm not just being a positivity vampire...
3) An improved sense of wellbeing while flying (aided by valium, but much better than other iterations) - flight was only average,but I was more annoyed by all the sitting about than the moderate bumpiness.
4) Flying through immigration (not literally, but pretty damned snappy) - being smiled at and chatted with by a friendly gatekeeper into the UK.
5) Finding not one but two places that make good coffee in Henley.
6) Our boxes arriving just before we did. Meant I could also make good coffee at home!
7) Getting some tasks and research accomplished like bosses, but without the pressure of needing to shit on anyone's desk or cut off our own genitals.
8) A pretty good transition to the new timezone. Both tired, but actually getting better sleep than before we left.
9) Nicola's parents making life pretty sweet for us, even if much of this is in the form of tempting treats to undermine my sweet dieting skills.
10) Feeling like I will be missed. It sucks as a feeling on one level, but it helps to know that I'm not a complete loser when people do awesome things and say awesome stuff to and about me. Selfish and self indulgent, but also motivates me even more toward being a better Gareth.
11) Videos of Gareth being an awesome Gareth.
2) Jody's positivity about the benefits of our move. I really hope that there are some benefits for you and I'm not just being a positivity vampire...
3) An improved sense of wellbeing while flying (aided by valium, but much better than other iterations) - flight was only average,but I was more annoyed by all the sitting about than the moderate bumpiness.
4) Flying through immigration (not literally, but pretty damned snappy) - being smiled at and chatted with by a friendly gatekeeper into the UK.
5) Finding not one but two places that make good coffee in Henley.
6) Our boxes arriving just before we did. Meant I could also make good coffee at home!
7) Getting some tasks and research accomplished like bosses, but without the pressure of needing to shit on anyone's desk or cut off our own genitals.
8) A pretty good transition to the new timezone. Both tired, but actually getting better sleep than before we left.
9) Nicola's parents making life pretty sweet for us, even if much of this is in the form of tempting treats to undermine my sweet dieting skills.
10) Feeling like I will be missed. It sucks as a feeling on one level, but it helps to know that I'm not a complete loser when people do awesome things and say awesome stuff to and about me. Selfish and self indulgent, but also motivates me even more toward being a better Gareth.
11) Videos of Gareth being an awesome Gareth.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
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