The 45er
Found on roads, this person will drive consistently at 45mph, in 30m zones and 60m zones. They are the honey badger of driving. They don't give a fuck, they just drive at the speed they like. So... you end up sitting on their tail for ages, unable to pass on the narrow UK roads, and then they sprint ahead, putting the lives of small children at risk in areas that are clearly speed limited for a reason.
I don't really care about the rich people hamlets where they have obviously petitioned the Council for a 30mph sign when they don't deserve it... 3 houses on 1m of road does not deserve a 30mph sign, no matter how much money you have...
These are a common form of English driver, you will meet one every time
you go driving. I mentioned them to my BJJ coach, he smiled, nodded and
said "yeah, you can't avoid those" (the fucking fuckers was implied).
The 'swamped' administrator
To be fair, it's not just administrators, it's any person in a job where you need them to provide you with information, or a task, or service. They are always SWAMPED, OVERWHELMED, TOO BUSY... These are the same people who spend hours of their day popping into other people's offices to tell them how busy they are. They have 1 hr coffees with people ostensibly to talk about work, but will often degenerate into talk about children or similar. They will then comment after coming back from said meeting that they would love to help with your project, but they are too swamped.
The swamped person usually starts their day with a cup of tea and a round or six of solitare. They don't answer their phone till half an hour after they start work. Case in point: buying tickets to visit Warwick Castle - rang immediately after they opened, and was put on hold (at 10p a minute) because their call staff are BUSY ON OTHER CALLS. I realised what was going on after a long wait, and then called back at 9.30 (after tea/solitare time) and the phone was immediately picked up.
My mother in law works in a general practice where this is rife. The receptionists have had to be repeatedly reminded that there is a half hour window from 8-8.30 when most people will ring for an appointment (in fact it's suggested that patients do this!) but these receptionists will often not have their computers on, nor answer their phones until after their tea 'break' (which they start as soon as they arrive). I do not think this is unusual at all, and is a systemic issue.
Ol' orange face
Known as the 'Essex girl' in some circles. A woman with (usually) bleached blonde hair, extremely tight clothing (whether it's flattering or not), and a weird pancaked on orange tinted make up. It looks like they've gone the whole hog on trying to appear like they have a fake tan. They will often come in 'flocks' and are widespread (not just Essex). Always working class, and often pushing a pram.
The hipster
Can be found in places I always find to be awesome. But of course they do what I'm doing to be ironic, or to show superiority. I only do these things because they're awesome (Rob Delaney shows, craft beer bars, great coffee places).
The men almost always have close cropped beards, check shirts of some kind or another, and a scarf that is Sherlock derived. They are almost always hanging out with other men, ergo, I have no real fix on English hipster girls...
Despite my weight loss, I am too old and fat to be a hipster of this variety, and as mentioned seem to be doing similar things for different reasons (or at least that's what I keep telling myself - I'm NOT a hipster!)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
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